Something about you feels like home
by Kuroi Diamond
Summary: The nightmares the kid is having are his fault. The pain and suffering inside his head? That's on him and that's why his selfish pride is taking the night off; he's finally going to do something about it.


**Title: Something about you feels like home  
Rating: M  
Pairing: Epsilon!Church/Caboose  
Summary: **the nightmares the kid is having are his fault. The pain and suffering inside his head? That's on him and that's why his selfish pride is taking the night off; he's finally going to do something about it.  
**Warnings: angst, explicit sexual content, loss of virginity, air of dubious consent, themes of psychological anguish and mental deterioration.  
A/N:** _I am still unclear how Epsilon!Church gained all of Alpha!Church's memories from Blood Gulch Chronicles through to Reconstruction, but the fact stands that somehow he has them and I guess that technically makes them the same person. So apologies if some of the writing reflects my confusion, I did my best with what I've been given. This is post season 10._

* * *

Church flexes his new fingers and it feels real enough. Actually having skin, synthetic though it may be, is kinda pretty nice. He doesn't owe the Director anything, but has to admit that it's pretty cool he'd managed to develop realistic cybernetic bodies; it's certainly a breath of fresh air after those mobilized armour built from Sarge's robot kits.

It is kind of creepy though, looking into the mirror and seeing the Director's face, younger than he was when they'd finally found him, but still recognizable as the man who had screwed him, his friends and a whole host of other people over. Despite that, Church was willing to work with it; he's not the Director, will never _be _the Director, but he actually cannot bring himself to truly resent the man for his motives. In the end, he understands the pain he felt. It will never, ever justify what he put Carolina and the rest of them through, but if the last years have taught Church anything, it's how to let go of things long in the past; of the things that hurt and will never be right, but that you can let fade into a memory so the pain becomes bearable. It's taken a while, but he's ready to stop hating the Director.

After all, hating him would just be hating a part of himself.

Anyway. The new body is working out well. They'd liberated it from an old Freelancer storage facility; one of the many they'd burnt to the ground. Church thinks Carolina might be somewhat relieved to have him out of her storage unit; she's slowly becoming the woman she was always meant to be, having lost that cold edge she'd carried for so long. She doesn't need to be the best anymore but still wants to prove she can make it on her own, probably why she's happy not to be carrying an AI around anymore.

She'd asked him what he wanted to do next and, well...

"I want to go home."

He can't believe it but he _misses_ the idiots he's now comfortable enough to call his friends. Hell, they'd been the only ones to stick by him through thick and thin when they'd never been obligated to. It wasn't out of the goodness of their hearts, he knew that; Church kind of doubted many had much goodness left in them after the years they'd endured in the outer systems... But those years had bound them closer together than he thinks he can truly process. They may be bitter, angry and downright crazy sons of bitches but they had somehow never lost sight of the people around them and the fact that deep down, they know that they are all that keep each other together; the only motivation they have for pushing through it all and somehow managing to _survive_.

And Church... He's ready to rest, if only for a while, and to get back to what passes as normal for him now.

Carolina is ok with that; he thinks maybe despite the fact that she's glad he's got his own body to ride around in now, she's still not comfortable with the fact that the face he's wearing belongs to her dad. Maybe it reminds her too much of what he did... Or maybe it reminds her too much of what he once was and that everything that Carolina hates about herself was caused by the inadequacy she felt when he could never let go of his own grief long enough to remember how to love her. It seems she's happy to part ways for a while; she's got somewhere to go, she claims and Church knows she means the old fort. Carolina's healed a lot but she's still got much to work through; York's loss, how she wasn't there, hadn't listened... The life she could have had.

Yeah. It's why they've become so close; tragedy, unfortunately, can be an excellent thing to bond over. Church, he's had siblings or at least felt like it; the fragments got pretty close, but Carolina feels the most like family to him. He knows they'll see each other again; he's not going to turn his back on her, nor she on him. It's just that right now they both need their space.

And Church still aches for home...


End file.
